Welp, I Did It: How To Shave Your Balls Safely With MANSCAPED

When it comes to bodily maintenance, I was a typical guy, and, we all know, men aren't known for good hygiene. Sure, I'd shower daily, brush my teeth, and gel my hair, but I'd never heard of exfoliation, and I lived simply by the motto: "doesn't show, let it grow." And, boy did I. My wedding night was spent searching for a needle in a haystack.

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“Will This Movie Make My Wife Cry?”

I have a vivid memory of sitting at her parents' house and watching a Johnny Depp shoot-em-up movie. We were dating at the time. While the screen flickered on our faces like thematic machine guns, she turned to me, perked with enthusiasm, and with red sauce on the corner of her lip, she said those beautiful words that would've made any man fall in love with her. "I love pizza and beer."

How To Stay Miserable With A Glass Of Milk

Here is another helpful tip on how you too can stay miserable. This time, using a glass of milk. Go to your dining room table and pour yourself a glass of milk. It can be skim, 2%, Vitamin D, straight from the clutch of Bessy’s udder, or any hipster non-dairy option like coconut, soy, almond,…

How To Stay Miserable Using A Hammer And Nails

If you’re miserable right now, you surely didn’t get there alone. Oh, maybe you did. Here’s how to stay miserable using only some basic home improvement materials and tools. Go to your nearest Ace Hardware, Home Depot, or Lowe’s. Just kidding, you stay inside. Hire a little peasant boy to run for you and toss…

Yes, Dads, Your Baby Is A Human

If dadding were a college, I’d be the freshest freshman; the wide-eyed, panicked kid dropped off at the curb wondering if I should race back home or not. And like most college freshmen, I am awkward, lost, oblivious, and always unsure what exactly is driving me to drink (just kidding...but maybe not). When my eight-month-old…