Why Am I So Angry All The Time?

This was originally written and published by Darrell Humphrey on ADadBrews.com.

Understanding why you are the way you are is important to discover. Why do I act the way I do? What causes me to erupt over the smallest things? Why am I so angry?

Unanswering these questions can keep your family and friends in a perpetual state of limbo. They fear “What side of him/her are we going to see today?” Mix that into having kids and them seeing you act the way you do and then seeing them act that way too has long-lasting effects.

It has been said that “crisis [or being in crisis] is the holiest way of dealing with whatever it is you are going through.” For me, I never realized how upsetting it would be to not have any more kids.

See, this past Friday, I underwent a simple, 10-minute procedure that has allowed me to never have any more kids. I’m done!! Literally. I figured this would affect my wife more but, man, it has hit me hard. The physical pain isn’t coming close to the emotional anguish I feel inside. Ugh.

***

“You’re in a small story, get a big story!”

***

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have my family completed. My three boys are precious and strong and I love them so much. The finality of it though has left me bitter and angry.

I’m in the shop trying to concentrate, I’m getting distracted by everything. Kids getting hurt, kids not listening, me using the wrong material and second guessing my work. It left me throwing my drill, breaking an expensive drill bit, and me even more frustrated.

Drill bits can be replaced. Wood can be re-purchased. No big deal. But understanding why I’m so angry is where it’s taken me today, and unpacking it all has left me with something inside my boxed-up heart that needs a pretty big drill bit to take the screws out.

I can’t blame the kids. I can’t blame my wife. But I can blame myself, to a point. No shame though, just honest searching. I’ve thought about wasting away into a 6 pack of craft beer, but that will only anesthetize the issue, and leave me in a worst place than before.

Instead here are the couple things I’ve been doing to figure this out.

Remove Yourself From The Situation.

After struggling all day inside, I went outside to the shop. However, as I quickly learned when you are dealing with something that has you upset and distracted, the shop, where things need to be precise, isn’t the best option. Removing yourself from the triggers can help open you up to the start of the process. Getting upset at something is normal. Throwing things across the room is NOT normal. Breaking things isn’t the answer. But what is the answer, is walking away, cooling off away from people to have some sacred space for yourself.

Try To Be Honest With Yourself.

Holding yourself in contempt and beating yourself up will never be the answer. The brain works in mysterious ways and when you are at your worse your brain remembers and reminds you of the negative stuff. Little phrases like “see, you are a piece of shit,” or “See you aren’t good enough,” and others leave you spiraling into “a wake of destruction.” Being honest without shame and self-loathing and self-pity is the key.

Get A Big Story.

One thing that my wife and I do when we see the other person in a bad spot is telling the other lovingly “Honey, you’re in a small story, get a big story!” Most of the time it’s the jolt that the other person needs for them to remember how silly they are being or how destructive they are about to be.

Understanding why you are who you are can literally make or break you, your family, and friends. Be generous and genuine with yourself. Be gracious too. Yes, whatever is causing you to be angry or sad is real but don’t hate yourself because of the process.

This was originally written and published by Darrell Humphrey on ADadBrews.com.


Darrell Humphrey is a former Hospital Chaplain, now at home father of six years. He has three boys, Ethan, Owen, and Jackson. Darrell and his wife Meredith live in Charlotte, NC. When not writing about parenting and fatherhood, Darrell, also enjoys DIY Projects, Fishing, and adventures with his kids.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Why Am I So Angry All The Time?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s