When you first get married, love is shallow.
After four years, you figure it all out.
But, it really does get better and better. At least, that’s been our experience.
Today, January 31, is the four-year mark of our marriage, and I can honestly say that I love my wife more today than I did last year, the year before that, and before that and so on and so on.
When thinking about marriage as a single person, I remember worrying about stupid stuff. I mean, stupid, shallow, selfish stuff.
Meaningless standards and unrealistic expectations compiled anxiety in my gut.
When will our perfect relationship hit the fan?
What about when we get old and gross?
What about when she has it coming out both ends?
But, it’s those things I feared that, on the other side, have made me love her even more and recognize that such worry was a clear sign of immaturity.
When we were engaged, multiple well-meaning geezers said things like, “You don’t know her yet…just you wait!”
That scared me. I hated those statements.
What kind of secrets is she hiding?
Is she going to murder me someday?
But, today, I see such comments in a different, more hopeful light.
It’s true! I didn’t know her four years ago and, to be honest, I was missing out. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. My desire to marry her was based on a shallow hope and a faint belief that we just might make a good couple.
It was a naive hope, but it was good and I guess it got us this far.
So, yes, I married a stranger, but I couldn’t have known the wonder of that fact had I not taken the risk.
My wife is active, inspiring, supportive, funny, smart, creative, sexy, cute, and beautiful.
I talked to my best friend the other day about her. “She keeps getting more beautiful,” I said. “And with every baby she creates, she gets prettier.”
That’s not some cheeseball fluff I-want-to-get-laid statement.
I mean it.
I understand that she might not believe me, especially twenty-three weeks pregnant with our second child, but it’s true.
It’s true, Linds.
We most definitely have not figured this whole marriage thing out, but if I were to go back in time and scrounge up one piece of advice for my single self from four years of teaming up, arguing, fighting, building a life together, loving, serving, succeeding, failing, being selfish, and being selfless, I’d say this:
The future happens one moment at a time. Cherish your spouse in every moment, and your love will deepen with every season.
It’ll be hard, but it will be worth it.