So you want to stay miserable, eh? Here are three pieces of vital advice: compare, compare, compare.
1. Compare Your Worst With Facebook’s Best
Social Media is a fantastic tool to aid in your quest to misery. And I have news for you: everybody’s life is as perfect as their profile picture. While you have to use Snapchat filters to get a flower crown in your hair, some are born into such divinity. So while you’re shoving Doritos into your mouth like a front loader, baptizing your sweatpants in powdered cheese, and reflecting on every mistake you’ve made in the last 24 hours, imagine those Facebook angels frolicking through the melodic hills of Maria von Trapp.
2. Compare Your Regularity To Humanity’s Best
Famous people aren’t people; they’re gods sent down to laugh at our normalcy. But that shouldn’t stop you from comparing yourself to them. Can’t kick a ball like Lionel Messi? Must mean you suck at soccer. Can’t act like Hugh Jackman? Then you can’t act. And if you can’t write like Ernest Hemingway, why even try? Those people didn’t work tirelessly to achieve their goals. They didn’t start from the ground up like you; they started from the sky and came down to grace us with their superpowers. Compare the dirt of your hard work and exhaustion to the shimmer of an Oscar, and make yourself miserable by sinking into the muddy side of a giant chasm between you and your dreams.
3. Basically, Just Compare Yourself To Others
Next time you talk to someone, shut them up and spin them around. Align your back with theirs and slap a yardstick ruler across your heads to prove who is taller. If yours exceeds their height then take charge, be confident, and laugh in their little face. You should feel so good about yourself that you go make out with the mirror. If you are shorter, cower in their shadow and call them ma’am or sir, offering to shine their shoes.
When we size ourselves up against others, whether by Facebook, fame, or attributes, we put ourselves on a fast track to misery. If we think we are “better than,” we inflate ourselves like a balloon destined to pop. If, in our own eyes, we are inferior to another, we are just a wrinkly deflated plastic.
If you want to stay miserable, compare, compare, compare. Certainly don’t accept that you are ultimately equal with every other person on this earth. And don’t listen to the words of Mark Twain when he said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” If you took heed of such wisdom, you’d probably be a lot less miserable.
P.S. That’s a lot of sarcasm. Don’t do those things. Do the opposite. You are valuable as you are, and you are where you need to be. Find peace. Never see yourself as better than or less than someone else. Everyone has joys and hardships, ups and downs, fortune and misfortune. Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s!
Read my post on HavingTime.com called How To Use Comparisons To Your Advantage!